The Grieving Widow
by greeneyedmama
Summary: Widowed from an unhappy marriage to James, Bella is making a new life with her daughter Alice and a little one on the way. It's not easy to be a grieving widow when you're excited about starting over again.
1. The Funeral

It's hard to play the part of the grieving widow when you weren't really in love with your husband anymore. But now here I am, entertaining family, friends & his co-workers - most of whom I've never met, with a toddler in tow that just won't stop saying DaDa.

Funerals are never easy, but watching all these people cry for my loss is almost too much to bear. James was a good man but he didn't really excel at being a husband or a father. Honestly, he wasn't even a very good friend recently.

Voices drone on. I'm so sorry for your loss. _-Thank you._ He'll be missed. _-What do you say to that? Should I be comforting his boss? I know he was a valued employee, but is that what she's talking about here?_ Do you need anything? _-No. We're doing ok, but thank you._ Really, you don't need anything? I'll send over a casserole tomorrow, just in case.

It's hard to believe all these people actually cared about James. I always felt like we didn't have any friends.

Oh God, here come his creepy uncle. I always feel like he's checking me out. And why in the world does he think telling me I look beautiful is at all appropriate at my husband's funeral?

When will these people stop talking? I don't even know them. I hate the feeling of being talked at instead of being talked to, but I'm fairly certain that right now it's just my perception. All these people think they need help me hold myself together. Truth be told, I feel so much lighter. A huge burden has been lifted. Now,_ that's_ a sobering thought. I actually feel happier with my life since my husband was killed in a car accident. I must me the worst person in the world.

I feel like such a liar. These people have no idea that I was on the verge of asking James for a divorce. Accidents happen every day, but I definitely didn't expect to be widowed from an unhappy marriage at the age of twenty nine with a 20 month old and a baby on the way. No one here even knows I'm pregnant. As I hold our daughter Alice in my arms and pull down her dress so her little bloomers don't show I finally start to cry.

Great, here comes James's mother.


	2. The Pieces

With James laid to rest and our finances settled it's a bit depressing to see how easy it will be to leave Jacksonville behind. I'd dreamed about living in the Pacific Northwest forever, and now I'm finally in a position to make that happen. A week of researching and making calls and I've picked out our new home – Forks, Washington. I easily found a realtor and took about a dozen virtual tours ending in the perfect little Craftsman style house that was ridiculously cheap to lease with an option to buy.

Luckily James had a life insurance policy though his employer. It was modest but enough to pay off his credit cards and student loans. Then I paid off both the vehicles. I was sad to see it go, but the best choice was to sell my compact commuter car and keep James' Land Rover; his truck had more miles on it, but we're moving to the opposite coast and a 4 wheel drive truck just makes more sense. I didn't make any profit on the sell, but at least a local high schooler has a cute safe car now. I'll miss my little blue car though. I let Alice run around the yard while I peeled all the stickers off the back. Maybe I'm neurotic, but I made a list as I went so that I can replace them and put them on the Rover.

Moving with a toddler proved to be a logistical nightmare. No matter how I planned, there was no viable option for me to move us myself by renting a big U-haul and towing the truck. I can't have Alice in the front seat in her carseat. I've hired a moving company and rented a small Winnebago to drive with the Rover in tow. I feel like I'm on the old-school Road Rules, minus the steer skull. I figured it would be pretty fun to camp along the way and hopefully Alice won't end up with cabin fever from being constantly strapped in a car seat. Plus I'll have a built in emergency pit stop just in case I can't make it to the next exit when I need to pee.

The day before we left town I called my parents to let them know that I was leaving for Forks. The only real concern that either of them held was whether I had a job lined up yet. When I replied that I had a house rented, but was planning on doing a job search once we got settled they were less than impressed. To say I was ready to get out of this town and away from them was an understatement. Both of them were borderline alcoholics and I'd rather not have them around Alice. I'm certain they won't miss us and I surely won't miss them. As far as I'm concerned my children are my family now.

Sadly, James' mother wasn't much different from my own. With James gone, Carol withdrew from me almost as soon as the burial was over. I thought she would want to keep in touch at least for Alice's sake, But I guess the bond between her and James' child died with him. When I called her to let her know we were relocating she wished me a safe travel and made it clear that she wouldn't need to hear from me again. Carol and I always had a rocky relationship, but I always assumed it was because in her mind I had taken James away from her. Apparently I was wrong.

One final call to the realtor to double-triple-quadruple check that she received my payment for the first six months and we're set to go. The pack and play is set up in the Winne, Alice's carseat is installed in the back, Vermont has a litter box in the bathroom, and my purple shamrock is riding shotgun. One last check to make sure the brake lights are working on the tow vehicle and we're off!

One pregnant widow, one twenty month old and one 13 year old cat named Vermont. The new trifecta of awesome.

If I've planned this trip right we'll arrive at our new home on Friday and the movers will arrive on Saturday. Alice and I will sleep that last night in the Winnebago, then the big mover-men will set up the heavy furniture. The RV rental folks said they would try to have someone come out to pick up the Winne on Saturday. I'm not entirely sure what _try _means to them, but I'm counting on someone picking it up. I don't have anyone to help me with a car shuffle.

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading!**

**I'm currently looking for a beta for The Grieving Widow, please pm me if you're interested in beta'ing or pre-reading**


	3. Getting There

Florida

Georgia

Tennessee

Kentucky

Illinois

Missouri

A touch of Kansas

Nebraska

Wyoming

Utah

Idaho

Oregon

Washington

If we had been able to drive straight though without stopping the trip would have been 52 hours on the road. Detouring to stop at as many State and National Parks as possible made the trip take nine days. But the pictures of Alice across the nation were worth it. She had a blast the entire time. We blew gallons and gallons of bubbles and camped out in the Winnebago, well sort of camped, in the most beautiful places. We saw awesome wildlife and tons of flowers. I may or may not have let Alice pick wildflowers in a few national parks. I'm almost sure it was illegal, but I really wanted to have be able to press the flowers and save them in her baby book next to the photos of her picking them.

We made it! Forks is now officially home. And since apparently I'm a planning and moving genius we arrived right on time, 5 pm Friday. I've got the Winne parked on the street since it's too long for my drive way. There were no signs indicating parking on the street was a no-go, so I'm just hoping the neighbors don't mind.

The kept the mini-fridge stocked the whole way here, but I didn't buy groceries yesterday so it's kind of slim pickings tonight for dinner.

"Alice, what do you think about Noodles and Green Beans for dinner?" Her blue eyes always light up at the mention of Green Beans. So, microwaved Chef Boyardee Lasagna and canned green beans are on the menu tonight. After our semi-nutritious meal of prepared pasta and vegetables, about a billion books, and a litter box change we're ready to settle in for the night. I'm especially looking forward to setting up my fancy new litter box. It connects to the water line by the washing machine and cleans the litter after cat visits. The pee and poop just wash down the water line. It's going to be such a treat to never have to scoop again. Since I'd found out I was expecting again I've just been dumping the whole litter box every other day instead of scooping – while road-tripping I've dumped it everyday. I'm pretty sure I've already been exposed to toxoplasmosis, but I didn't want to risk it. I guess I could have gotten the blood test done or had Vermont tested to see if he's carrying those nasty little amoebas but I never did. James was never any help with Vermont when I was pregnant with Alice so at least this time I won't spend a fortune in cat litter with having to dump the whole box all the time.

Hopefully the movers get here early tomorrow. The realtor said she'd be by around 8 am with the key. I guess her usual routine is to leave the key under the mat or above the door frame, but I didn't want to risk anything since I'm on my own now. I'm not nervous about living alone, but it seemed like a bad idea to leave a key out. She assured me the town was very safe and all the neighbors look out for one another here, but I still wasn't convinced. I've got James' hunting rifle in the back of the Rover just in case but, it's locked in the soft-sided gun case and I'm pretty sure the key is in my jewelry box under a pile of luggage. So really the gun isn't doing me any good, but I feel marginally better about our safety just knowing that I do indeed own a weapon.

I locked the door but left the Winnebago running so that we'd have air-conditioning and snuggled in with Alice on the full size bed in the back. She's so tall now, just like her dad. The pack and play was fine for naps, but she got too cramped up in there and wasn't sleeping through the night in the pack and play so she's been sleeping with me in the big bed every night. Thankfully the bed was all the way in the back against the wall so the set up made it kind of awesome. Alice on the inside, me on the outside.

After being on the road so long it felt insanely good to go to sleep knowing that there was no more driving to be done. I fell asleep thinking about paint colors and curtains and where to put my books.

BAM BAM BAM

What a horrible way to wake up. What time is it? phone, phone, phone, FIVE IN THE FRICKAFRACK MORNING?

I wanted to get up in a huff, but somehow Alice had stayed asleep while Mr. Rooster outside banged on the side of the Winnebago. I got up slowly so that the bed didn't move too much, made a pillow fortress around Alice so she wouldn't fall off the open side of the bed. I put my big cardigan over my nightgown and unlocked the door.

"Who in frickafrack do you think you are for Pete's Business? You can't bang on someone's door like that in the middle of the night, um, this early in the morning" I felt myself losing steam. It's hard to keep your anger momentum when forced to whisper scream anyway. Finally I looked up. "Uh um uh" I'm so impressed with myself. Truly, I must possess a brilliant linguistic mind. Standing in front of me is the most furious looking handsome man with his knocking hand still raised like he's about to bang on the damn door again. Now we're both just giving each other our best goldfish impressions.

"Lady, you can't be parked here. Someone's moving in today. You need to move your RV because they'll be here soon and I'm pretty sure the family that's moving in is coming from a long ways out and they'll have a lot of stuff. Truck loads probably. Movers," now he's running out of steam.

Oh my goodness. This rude man is apparently actually a gentleman, and he's trying to look out for _us_ by waking me up at this unholy hour!

"Thanks for the info," I smile in reply. I was just about to launch into my introduction, but now he's starting up again about how I need to move and he wouldn't mind if I parked my RV in front of his house across the street but that I'll need to be sure to leave enough room for the movers to swing wide and on and on he goes. I wonder why he just keeps rambling. Am I making him nervous? Maybe he peeked into the Rover and saw the gun? Do I have a boob out or something? What is this man's problem?

Figuring the only way to make him stop is to interrupt, I step down out of the Winnebago's doorway. He immediately backs up since I'm completely crowding his personal space. Now that there's a bit a room between us I shove my hand out in greeting.

"I'm your new neighbor, Bella. I _am_ the family moving in today. Me and my daughter camped our way crosscountry in this RV. The movers are showing up today. Later today. Like after sunrise." I can't help but chuckle a little after I finish because now that we're done shaking hands he's giving me the "um um um" treatment that I gave him a couple minutes ago.

"Sorry about the RV, I know it looks weird. The realtor is bringing us the keys this morning." I tend to fill the silence during awkward moments. I'm not really much of a talker most of the time, but for some reason when I feel uncomfortable during prolonged pauses I start gabbering. Why hasn't he spoken yet?

"My name's Edward. I'm your neighbor. Sorry."

Just when I thought we were getting things on track, he turned around and walked across the street, up his front steps and straight inside his house without a backward glance.

I guess I'll have to look outside of my new neighborhood to make friends.


	4. So We Meet Again

There's no hope of me falling back asleep. I don't think my poor hips can handle lying down anymore today anyway. I hate to complain about pregnancy issues, especially since I don't actually have anyone to complain to at present, but I really don't remember my hips hurting this early when I was pregnant with Alice. Seven weeks should be a pretty uneventful gestational milestone, aside from the occasional puke.

And where did I throw my stupid phone when Mr. Rooster stated pounding on my mobile campsite? Taking a quick peek around, I see it sort of leaning against Alice's thigh. Grabbing it up I double check to make sure it's silenced, as much as Alice loves the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Hot Dog Dance ringtone I don't think she'd actually appreciate it 6:15 am.

I did a quick snoodle search through the mini-fridge and found a couple juice boxes and chug-jug milk things. I still have some yogurt and fruit cups, so I guess that will do until I figure out where the grocery store is. I'm not entirely sure I'll have time to go to the store today anyway. I don't want to leave with the movers still unloading and I don't know how fast they can get things out of their truck and into my house in the appropriate rooms.

After writing out a couple lists of things to do on Monday Alice starts to stir. 7:35 am, my little alarm clock.

"Good morning sweet girl. You just woke up." I start our morning the same way everyday. Good Morning, you just woke up! I have no clue why I declare to my awake child that she is in fact awake, but it's what I've always said to her when she wakes up in the morning and from naps so I might as well stick with it. It makes her smile and I love to see those pretty little teeth.

Crap, now I'm thinking about James again. His teeth were perfectly straight. His smile was just a little gummy, but I thought he was so handsome. The gums were a sore spot for him, but I thought it was perfect. I remember talking about what Alice would look like before she was born and hoping she would get his teeth instead of mine. I've always called my teeth Horse-Teeth. They're big and square-ish with big canines and not a bit of gum to be seen. Even with 4 adult teeth pulled to make room for my giant chompers my mouth was still so crowded that I ended up in braces for nearly 4 years. And even then I still didn't have space for my wisdom teeth.

I don't miss being married to James, but it's still unreal to think he's gone. He'll never hear her speak a full sentence. She's just now stringing words together. He'll never see her ride a Big Wheel, he won't push her on her first bike ride without training wheels, and there are hundreds and hundreds more things that she'll accomplish without a father watching her succeed or try again after a failure.

A pit forms in my stomach, but before I can get sucked into my quasi-grief there's a gentle rap at the side door of the RV. I scoop Alice up and open the door.

Mr. Rooster, so we meet again.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about the way we met. I know you said your realtor would be here this morning, hopefully I've beat her here. I brought apology donuts" he finished with crooked grin and produced a bakery box with a flourish from behind his back. He's staring at Alice. Seriously starting. Unabashed curiosity the only emotion on his face. Like it's completely bizarre that a toddler would exist in front of him.

"If there's anything in there with a filling that's custardy and not frostingy, you're forgiven." I smile widely, all of my horse teeth on display.

"Um yeah, there's a chocolate frosted Boston Crème in there. It's my mom's favorite too" he replies without looking away from Alice to me. This is just creepy now.

I'm not sure what to say to that with him still staring at my child. "Yeah, moms love Boston Crème."

Finally that gets him. He clears his throat and finally looks me in the eyes, "Does she eat? I mean, does she eat donuts? Christ, do you let her have sweets for breakfast is what I meant to say."

"It's a special day so she can have a donut today."

While I'm trying to decide on inviting him into the Winne or not the realtor pulls up. Her picture on the Real Estate website didn't do her a bit of justice. In person she's so much lovelier. Pretty honey blonde hair and sophisticated clothes, soft creases on her face and natural looking make-up. She's probably in her fifties but she's aging very gracefully. She greets both Edward and I, winks at Alice which makes her clam up with fake shyness.

"Hey Mom."

My eyes must be as big as saucers. My realtor Esme Cullen is Edward's mother. No wonder he wanted to beat her here with forgiveness pastries.

"Here are your keys Mrs. Hunter. And a garage door opener. I reset the code, so it's not the same one that was used with the last tenant." Esme is the picture of kind professionalism. I'm still sort of in shock that my neighbor is her son. He must have been trying to help us both out by attempting to evict my RV from in front of the house this morning.

Finally finding my voice, I thank her for the keys and then as afterthought, "It's Ms. Hunter, I'm no longer married."

"Oh, your ex must be furious that you've moved his cutie all the way from Jacksonville" she's probably just trying to ease the tension of mistaking me for a married woman. Squatting down to tickle Alice under her chin, she looks back up at me with a grin and a wink.

Barely above a whisper, I manage to squeak out "My husband passed away a couple weeks ago. It's just me and Alice. We're starting over here in Forks." I probably should have just left it with a simple explanation of being widowed; there wasn't any need for her to know it was recent. Oh, well. It's too late to take it back now.

"I'm so sorry for your loss dear" and then I'm practically smothered in a hug. Oh, God. This is a real hug. A mom hug. One that squeezes with love and smooshes it right into your body from theirs via some kind of magic maternal force. I know these hugs. I administer hugs like this all the time, but it's been years and years since I've felt one being given to me. My eyes are welling up with tears and it has nothing to do with James and absolutely everything to do with Esme Cullen's hugging skills.

She pulls back and holds be by the shoulders, "There now."

"Thank you. For the hug." I felt the need to clarify that what I really appreciated was the affection.

I look over at Edward. He's staring at me with a grim expression, like he's about to deliver the worst sort of news.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

**A/N **

**Thanks for Reading. Chapter 5 should be up in a day or two. **


	5. Play Nice

"Well would you all like to come inside and eat with us? Edward brought these donuts as a welcome to the neighborhood gesture right before you got here Esme." As I finish my invitation I look over to Edward who is giving me an embarrassed but grateful smile. I give him my best reassuring smile and hope they both follow me up into the Winnebago.

"I haven't had a real shower in a couple days so you'll have to excuse my stink and haggard appearance." I can smell myself and I'm sure anyone within a five foot radius can too.

Edward is hot on my heels up the step into the crowded RV, "You look great!" I cannot believe he just blurted that out, and by the look on his face neither can he. I give a nervous laugh and push Vermont off of the bench seat sofa. My face is burning with a blush and I can feel my armpits prickle with sweat.

Esme bless her heart changes the direction of this awkward breakfast moment. "So this is the infamous declawed Vermont. What an unusual name for a cat."

"Oh, yes ma'am. He's front paw declawed. And thank you so much for making an exception and letting us lease the house with a pet. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Vermont was an abandoned kitten. I found him when he was around 2 weeks old. I had to bottle feed him and everything. He was such a little a runt, he looked like a drowned rat so I just called him "vermin". Once it became clear that he'd survive I figured he needed a real name so I just fancied up vermin and called him Vermont. He was a bit aggressive since I guess his mom was feral or something, so that's why he's declawed. He's completely sweet now though. Just old and lazy, a perfect cat really."

"Um, anyways let's dig into these donuts. Why don't you pick out your favorite Esme?" I hope this gets less weird once we're all eating. I grab an apple fritter and cut it up into little bits for Alice. Esme takes my beloved Boston Crème, I grab a blueberry cake donut and Edward goes for a plain glazed. When I'm sure that Alice isn't going to choke herself with all the handfuls of fritter she's shoving in her mouth, I look back up to start some more light conversation but my eyes get stuck on Edward. He's giving me the sweetest smile. I've never been so happy to go without my favorite donut. Maybe I made a friend after all.

Chit chat is easy and mostly centered around Alice and her ability to scarf down food. Esme's a grandmother so she knows just how to dote on a little girl. She compliments me on my cardigan and I discover that she's a knitter like me. She promises to tell me where the best yarn shops are in the area. We finish up our breakfast and the next thing I know Alice is shoving books at Edward and has now helped herself to his lap. Gerald the Giraffe has never sounded so good. I can't remember the last time someone other than me has read to her.

Rumbling from down the street puts a halt to our conversations and Edward's animal noises. The movers are here. I start to get up so that I can meet them, but my phone starts ringing and now Alice is singing Hot Dog and twisty dancing like a crazy person. A look at the screen and I can tell it's the RV rental company. Crap, everything is happening at once. Esme must sense my panic, because she offers to talk to the rental folks to arrange the pick-up.

After I run up the front steps to unlock the door, I give a few quick instructions to the movers about which furniture goes where and they're all business, so fast and efficient. I can't believe how strong they are. One guy has my Tempurpedic mattress hoisted above his head. That thing is freaking heavy but he's carrying it by himself. This is going much quicker than I expected.

Esme dashed up the drive way and says she's got to run, but that Edward is going to help me with the RV.

"What? They're supposed to pick it up." This isn't the worst thing that could happen on move-in day but the realization that I'm alone and can't deliver the RV back to them because I'd have no way of getting back home breaks me. I'm a sobbing mess.

Edward comes walking up with Alice holding him by the pointer finger, "Uh, I'm going to drive the Winnebago. You need to follow me in your truck. So um, I guess I should start clearing it out so that you can put the car seat in, right?" I'm shocked at how thoughtful he is and how he's completely taken charge and made my snotty tearfilled breakdown pointless.

"The nearest drop off location is Port Angeles. The head mover said that they'll be done by 3pm, so we should be able to drop the RV off before 5pm and you won't get charged an extra day for the rental."

I'm staring at him and because I've apparently become mute. All I can manage is an affirmative nod. Alice lets go of his finger and runs at me to hug my leg.

"Thanks you so much. I really don't know what I would have done. I was counting on them being able to come out and pick up the RV." Maybe I should make him lunch or dinner or something. I don't want to be presumptuous and I don't want to give him the wrong impression either. So instead I just tell him that I owe him one.

"No worries. What are neighbors for?" Edward smiles so much. The frantic man I met this morning before the sun came up is nothing like the one in front of me now. I want to hug him and ask him to be my friend, but the last time I did something like that I was in 2nd grade. Eric ran away and then made everyone call me SmellyBelly for the rest of the year. If I'm being honest, I heard whispers behind my back all the way through high school of people calling me SmellyBelly. So skipping the hug I go with a shoulder nudge and tell Alice to give him a high five.

The movers did a great job and finished before 2pm. I had pizza and 2 liters delivered. I think the free lunch increased their level of service. They rolled out of town with an empty truck, full bellies and a $50 in all of their pockets. Alice was running around the coffee table like a chicken with her head cut off when Edward knocked on my front door. I handed him the keys to the RV and told him I'd follow since he's the only one who actually knew how to get where we were headed.

Forty-five minutes later, he's riding shot gun in my Rover with Alice asleep in what can only be described as a neck-break position in her car seat. It's amazing to me that kids fall asleep with their heads all wonky and don't wake up in need of a Chiropractor.

I've got Iron and Wine playing softly in the front speakers and just when I was starting to feel comfortable with the semi-silence Edward says my name.

"Bella, I just want you to know how sorry I am about earlier. I thought I was going to be helping out my new neighbor by getting you to move the RV and since it was running I figured whoever was inside was awake. Ugh, and then with the donuts; it wasn't meant to be a bribe so that you wouldn't tell my mother about what an ass I had been earlier. I was just trying to be friendly and make up for being so rude. Plus I figured you'd have to be exhausted after so many days traveling and a sweet breakfast might perk you back up for your big move-in day. Just, I'm really sorry. I hope we can be friends"

What a speech. My snort must be all the reassurance he needs, because the worried look dissolves from his handsome face and replaced by a devious smirk.

"Actually, maybe we shouldn't be friends. You just snorted."

I fake hurt, "Hey, I let your mom have my donut. You're obligated to be my friend now."

As it turns out, making friends is easy. I don't understand why James and I were so secluded in Jacksonville. As my thoughts drift back to James I decide I should probably talk to Edward about my life before Washington.

He insists that he doesn't need any explanation on why I moved, but as I go into the state of my marriage before James was in the accident he softens. I'm not looking for pity, if I wanted consolation I would have stayed in Florida. I tell him about how I feel more like myself now than I ever have before and that I've always wanted to leave the Atlantic. The more I talk the better I feel, and now I'm realizing what I was missing out on by not having anyone other than my uninterested husband to confide in. I don't make any mention of my pregnancy. There's plenty of time for that. Besides, having your husband die tragically is one thing, but being pregnant with his child when he dies is on a whole other level of sob-story.

When we make it back to our street I carry Alice into the house and put her into her crib. The toddler phase of fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything is one of those miracles only a parent can appreciate. I tell Edward I'll see him later. He invited to come over on Sunday so that Alice can pick Raspberries from his backyard. He wasn't sure what to do with me when I got all misty eyed and told him that the only thing I was worried about missing was the little Strawberry patch I had for Alice at our old house.

When Alice wakes up we'll head out to the grocery store. I don't think either of us are in the mood for Chef Boyardee or canned green beans.


	6. Making Progress

Three weekends and lots of raspberry stains later I think I've actually made a real best friend. I can't believe how easy it is for me to be around Edward. He's great with Alice since he's an uncle. I love the neighborhood and even though it's really rainy here, I love the weather. Everything is so green and alive. My little purple shamrock is thriving in the sunroom. I've even divided the pot so that I can give some to Esme.

This weekend Edward's having a cookout and I'm going to meet his brother and sister-in-law and nephews. I met his dad the last week. Apparently this house belonged to Carlisle's sister. She passed away a few years back after she lost her battle with breast cancer. I found out that since Carlisle and Esme own the house they are pretty choosy about who it's rented out to and I'm only the 2nd tenant they've ever had.

While I'm fixing dinner for me and Alice there's a light knock on the door. I don't know anyone in the neighborhood other than Edward, but even if I did I'd know him by the light knock. It's like his version of restitution from that morning we met. I shout out for him to come in, and before he even rounds the front hall to come in the kitchen I'm getting an earful about locking the door and checking who'd out there before letting anyone inside. He's right, but I guess I just feel so safe here that I'm not being very careful. I promise him that I'll do better.

He scoops Alice up into his lap and starts tickling her, much to her delight. At this point in their little friendship she just lights up when he comes into the room. She's trying to say Edward every now and then but it's a little hard for her and usually ends up like a mix between the Canadian affirmation "Eh?" and "egg".

I haven't decided what to do long term with regard to keeping James's memory alive for Alice, but at this point she's stopped saying DaDa so I've stopped mentioning her Daddy. There's really no point in talking to her about it now since him being gone doesn't make any sense to her. I guess I'll just keep all the pictures in storage and cross that bridge when we get there.

"So are you ready to meet Emmett and Rose and the boys?" he asks while Alice is still giggling like a maniac.

"I'm super excited. So, Riley is four and Jasper is two, right?" I'm scooping up bowls of Chicken and Dumplings for us while he's putting Alice in her high-chair.

"Yeah, that's right. What is this stuff? I mean, I'll eat it but this doesn't look like soup." He's got a suspicious look on his face as if I'm attempting to feel him play dough instead of real food.

"Uh, it's Chicken and Dumplings. I guess it's just a southern thing. It's chicken and flat strips of biscuit dough. I eat mine with pepper sauce in it. Do you want to try yours like that? Or do you want it plain like the way Alice is eating it?" One look at the way Alice is shoveling hers in and he decides to try it plain first. If his moans and slurping sounds are any indication, plain suits him just fine.

Edward has been having dinner with us once or twice a week since we moved in, usually Wednesday and Friday nights. It's nice to have someone other than Alice appreciate my cooking and having help with the dishes is a treat.

Once he's finished his first bowl and is well into his second helping he asks me if I've been watching the new season of some SyFy original show. This is only the hundredth time I've had to remind him, "Edward, we don't have a TV. You're constantly asking me about shows, and I tell you everytime that I don't have a TV because I don't want to rot out Alice's brain. She watched cartoons in Jacksonville and when she did she would completely ignore me. I could talk and talk and she wouldn't look away from the stupid television. The road-trip was her TV detox. No more TV."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I just can't believe you don't even have one in your bedroom."

He can't believe I don't have a TV and I can't believe he doesn't have a girlfriend. I'm so thankful for his friendship and I love our dinners and picking raspberries in his backyard, but I feel like there should be a love interest in his life. I try not to be superficial, but the man is seriously sexy. He could have his pick of women, but there doesn't seem to be any lady in his life. I'm afraid to ask, and he's never brought it up. Since he's aware of my circumstances I would think that if there were some sordid story to share he would have told me by now, but he's never mentioned his past at all.

We finish up dinner and he heads home with one last reminder to show up tomorrow for his cook out. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

The cook out was awesome. Alice had a great time playing with Riley and Jasper, well her version of playing was pretty much just following them around and hugging them if they stood still long enough. Riley said she was cool because she ate two whole hotdogs and sweet little Jasper just kept calling her pretty.

I think I figured out why Edward was transfixed by Alice that first day too. She looks like she could be one of Emmett and Rose's kids.

Rose recommended her pediatrician for Alice and I'm so so glad. Finding a pediatrician is such a pain, but a recommendation from another mom takes all the stress out. So I'm going to be calling on Monday to set up an appointment for Alice's 2 year well baby visit.

Emmett was funny, but a little loud for me and Alice. The only weirdness at the cookout was when Emmett said my ex had some competition for Alice's affection since she is clearly so fond of Edward. You could have heard a pin drop. Apparently no one told him that I'm a widow. Those are the moments that I hate the most. He felt horrible, but I promised him it was alright.

One of the funniest moments was when Emmett asked if I was going to go back to my maiden name. I actually hadn't even considered it, but decided to keep things light with a funny story.

"When I was growing up I was certain I wanted to hyphenate my name when I married. I loved my name so much. But when I married James that idea went out the window…I would have been Isabella Swan-Hunter. It was a bit too gruesome."

Emmett's guffaw was so loud that Alice startled and almost started crying. After that, she stayed in my lap or Esme's. Emmett started calling me "bird-killer" and made me agree to use their baby-sitter Emily so that I could have a night out with him and Rose. Alice has never been in daycare or even had a baby-sitter, but Rose convinced me by saying Alice would have a great time playing with her boys.

A week later, I'm in a loose dress to hide my bump when we go to this coffee shop slash wine bar. Apparently coffee is a big enough deal here that a wine bar isn't complete without an espresso machine. We slip into a round booth with Edward and Emmett on the outsides. The boys get up asking for our drink orders.

"I'll have a glass of whatever house red. Bella, what do you want?" Rose looks at me with a smirk. Weird.

"Um, can I just get a Vanilla Latte? I don't want to get tipsy and then have to take care of Alice by myself" I'm hoping they buy my excuse for not drinking. Emmett tries to talk me into a glass of what Rose is having, but thankfully Rose defends me.

"Emmett, she's going to be going home to a teething toddler she'll need her wits about her. Just get her the damn Latte." As the guys walk off to the bar Rose reaches down to pat my leg in some kind of women's solidarity move. But just before she makes contact, her hand detours and lands on my belly.

She knows. She knows. She knows. My brain is on repeat. I finally lift my eyes and find Rose leveling at me, "We need to have a talk, huh?"


	7. Coming Clean

Coming Clean

"Rose, I'm really sorry. It's not that I'm keeping it a secret really. I just didn't know how to bring it up. I mean, is it not bad enough that I'm a 29 year old widow with a not quite two year-old daughter? How am I supposed to tell my brand new friends that I'm also pregnant with my dead husband's baby?" I'm on the verge of tears and just praying that I can somehow suck the extra moisture back into my eyeballs before the men get back from the bar.

"Bella, I'm not mad at you. I am confused though. I thought you were unhappy with James, so unless this pregnancy is the result of an immaculate conception you're going to have to explain why you were having sex with the man that you allegedly wanted to divorce." She ends her rant with a pointed glare.

"I didn't allegedly want a divorce Rose!" I hiss. "I was unhappy and very lonely. It was a moment of weakness. We hadn't been intimate in months. I just needed someone and the only person around was James and we ended up having sex. I'm not sorry that I'm pregnant, but I know that giving into temptation wasn't a good idea. It's not like I can undo this!" It feels good to finally get all of this out, but even though it's a relief to talk to a woman I sort of wish I was unburdening myself to Edward.

"Jesus, how far along are you?"

"Eleven weeks." I can't even meet her eyes anymore. This isn't how I imagined coming clean would go.

"You're almost out of your first trimester. I'm a little peeved that you didn't tell any of us sooner, but it's pretty common to wait to tell people until you're into the 2nd trimester so when you tell everyone else you should stick with that story. OK? Do you have a doctor yet?" I shake my head no.

"If you're ok with seeing a Midwife instead of an OB I'll give you my Midwife's info" she says softly. I nod and say thanks quietly just as Edward and Emmett get back from the bar.

Rose is able to distract Em and Edward from the awkwardness that I'm exuding. Thankfully the rest of our night out is uneventful.

A week passes by without much interaction with Edward. I'm not sure if I'm being weird or if he's being weird, but our friendship is definitely in a tailspin. It's Friday night and we haven't had dinner together since last Wednesday. My moods are kind of all over the place anyway, but feeling like I've lost my friend is making me really blue. I've just slipped my nightgown over my head when there's a quiet knock on my front door. Edward.

Even though my nightgown is modest, I grab a cardigan before I answer the door. He looks angry and I'm immediately frightened.

"Can I come in?" I haven't heard that tone of voice from him since he walked off after apologizing for being my neighbor a month ago when we first met at five in the morning.

Once we're sitting on my couch, he turns to face me. "You need to tell me what's going on. Something's off with us and I need to know what I've done. " He pauses and I'm about to reply with, well I'm not entirely sure what I'll say but I'll just wing it and hope for the best, but the pause was just for air apparently because he's talking again.

"Bella, I've tried to be a good friend but I'm not succeeding. I think it's obvious what my intentions are at this point." Oh God. There's no warning, no slow build up, just immediate tears streaming down my face. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I'm hiccupping and blubbering about giving me another chance. I can be a great friend. Let me make re-heat dinner. Anything I can think of to try to gain his favor.

"What the hell are you talking about Bella? I'm to tell you that I want to pursue a romantic relationship with you. I thought I'd been clear from the start while still being respectful of your situation and allowing you to grieve the loss of your husband and marriage." He's wiping my eyes and my nose and upper lip. I'm so flabbergasted by his admission that it almost doesn't register that he just wiped my snot.

"You like me?"

"After all of that I thought you would figure that I more than like you. You and Alice are very special to me and I want to be a part of your lives; a part that's more than a friendship. That's not to say that our friendship isn't wonderful. If you don't feel the same, I hope you'll allow me to remain your friend." His voice is getting softer and softer. By the end, he's barely audible.

Allow him to remain my friend. Allow him. Oh, for Pete's Business I thought I had already lost his friendship. Relief washes over me right before dread settles in my stomach.

"I'm pregnant!" My voice sounds ridiculously loud inside my head, but he didn't cringe with I said it so maybe it wasn't that loud.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm twelve weeks. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm sorry Edward. I wish, I wish…well I don't know. I guess I wish things were simpler but I don't wish I wasn't pregnant. I know this changes things. I've been acting weird because Rose sort of guessed and kind of fussed at me over keeping it to myself. My intention was to tell everyone after my appointment. Rose thought it would be best to just make the announcement after I was past the first trimester since that's a pretty common time to tell people. And I agreed. I feel like a coward for not telling you sooner. I wanted to talk to you. I was so sad when I realized that Rose was the first to know, but honest to God Edward she guessed."

"You're having a baby? His baby?" The hurt in his eyes is too much. I feel so guilty.

There's no reason for me to feel guilty. I'm pregnant. I was married when I conceived and this baby is loved and will be treasured. There's no shame in this situation, but for some reason I can't shake this overwhelming guilt.

"I've never lied to you Edward. I hadn't been with him for nearly five months, but I was just so lonely and he was always pushing me for sex. I don't know why I gave in, but I did. I really was going to ask James for a divorce. I was 6 weeks pregnant when he died. He didn't know. No one in Jacksonville knows." Spilling my guts to Edward is easy, as easy as breathing. I should have done this sooner. I finish with a weak "sorry" and wait for a reaction.

"What time is your appointment?" That's not at all what I was expecting but I guess I'm not surprised. Edward is always concerned and thoughtful.

"It's at 11 am, I scheduled it during Alice's nap. Rose said I could drop her off at their house on my way to the doctor's and just put her with Jasper for them to snuggle nap." Finally he's starting to relax. He looks like my sweet Edward again. Not angry or hurt. Maybe this can be salvaged. The longer I wait for him to speak the more I realize that I do want what he wants. I want him to be mine. I want Alice to count on him to be there.

"You were going to go by yourself?" Edward sounds like he's in disbelief. I don't think I've ever heard a scoff until this very moment

"Well, I took Alice with me once to a Gynecologist appointment, but she just cried the whole time since she had to stay in her stroller. I didn't want to have this appointment be full of unhappy tears." I give him a watery smile.

"I'm going with you." That's it. There's no discussion. Just I'm going with you. Like it's crazy that I would even consider going without him.

I want to kiss him so badly, but as that thought flits through my mind I realize I've never even hugged Edward.

"Hold me." No pretenses, just an honest demand. And he listens. I'm cradled and scooped against his chest. Sitting half in his lap on the couch I've never felt more cherished.

"Please want what I want." His voice is timid, but hints at his confidence.

Nothing is better than the way his eyes dance when I look up at him and whisper, "I do."


	8. You're It

Edward held me for hours on the couch before he finally crossed the street to his house. It was probably the most intimate experience of my life and we never even kissed. He just held me and told me how lucky he felt to have met us.

From past experience I was sure that I was actually the lucky one.

Edward shared his relationship history with me. He's had two serious relationships; one that lasted 2 years but ended amicably and one that lasted 5 years and ended with him finding out she was unfaithful right before he started ring shopping.

Now, his non-pushy pursuit makes sense. I guess everyone has a reason to guard their heart.

We talked about Alice and the new baby. About rearranging the nursery room and getting the bassinet back down from the attic. He told me that he's missed us both this last week and that he can't wait to eat one of my home-cooked meals again. I had to swear never to cook Chicken and Dumplings for another man. If that's not a promise, I don't know what is.

Monday came fast and Edward and I found ourselves in the waiting room of my new Midwife. They called me back up to the desk and Edward turned into a nervous mess. As I started walking out of the lobby with my sample cup to head to the restroom, he hopped up and practically shouted for me to wait and didn't I want him to go with me. I shouty whispered that I was just going to give a urine sample. I've never seen him so red.

Once we were called back and I was weighed and measured the Midwife came in to take my history. With her chart was sufficiently filled in she handed me a gown with instructions for it to open in the front and she would be back in a few minutes. Just a beat of awkward silence and Edward cleared his throat, stood and faced the wall.

I gave a quiet "okay" once I was sitting on the edge of the exam table with the opening wrapped around my midsection. Looking him right in the eye, "When this dildo-cam goes up my hooha you're eyes stay above the belt. And don't even think about looking at anything lower than my belly button. I have stretch marks and there's no reason for you to be scarred for life."

"Um, I googled it last night, so I know that today is going to be the transvaginal ultrasound thing. And for God's sake Bella I'm acquainted with your daughter, I know you have stretch marks. I think you're beautiful, please don't be nervous. I'm here because I care about you, I want to share this with you." If I didn't think he was amazing before, I do now.

Just as the tears start pooling in my eyes, the Midwife knocks and enters. Just a few minutes later, I'm in stirrups having a personal moment with an ultrasound wand. Before I can even be embarrassed, the loud wooshing heartbeat fills the silence in the room and she turns the monitor so that both Edward and I can see the baby. It's jumping and wiggling, but so clearly a baby.

"Oh, Bella" his voice breaks and when I pull my eyes from the screen to see him, his face is streaked with tears just like mine. We're just smiling like weepy fools at each other. This is awesome. This is what life should always be like. Just for a moment, I allow myself to wish it had been like this when I was pregnant with Alice, to wish that Edward was her Daddy and that this baby was his. I blink away tears and thoughts as the Midwife prints out a couple pictures of the baby.

She confirmed my gestational progress, 12 weeks 3 days. I can't wait to get done here and talk to Alice about her new baby on the way. Once she's in the loop I'll tell Esme and Carlisle. I'm sure Rose already told Emmett.

Edward is quiet the whole way to Rose's house. I'm not sure what to make of his silence, but I'm hopeful that he's just trying to absorb everything from the appointment. When we get to Rose's house she looks kind of rough. Apparently no one napped this morning. Alice konks out the minute we get her strapped in the car seat and luckily stays that way all the way to her crib.

Edward waits in my living room until I'm clicking the door to Alice's room closed, "Bella," he starts, then stops. I'm about to ask him if everything's ok; I'm so afraid he's having thoughts. Maybe it's too much to be with a woman who's having another man's baby. Before I can finish that heartbreaking train of thought, he's rushing towards me and I'm in the most passionate embrace of my life.

The kiss is every emotion; it's passion and want, respect and adoration. I can feel how much he cares for me with the gentle but intense pressure of his lips on mine. He opens his mouth just enough to tug on my bottom lip, but I'm too overcome to stop with that. I haven't been made to feel this wanted in I don't even know how long, maybe never. I need his tongue, I need his breath. I just want everything.

He groans and I'm done. I need him, I need this so badly.

"Please." I can't believe I'm begging, but before I can feel brazen for my outburst he's right there with me.

"God, Bella. You're so perfect, so beautiful. I can't believe this is real, that you're mine. I need you. I want you so much." His voice is raspy and I'm spinning. I can feel him hard and pressing against my hip. I can't get naked fast enough.

I'm stuggling with my cardigan. Thank God I'm wearing a dress. Just as he's about to pull down my panties, I shout out "The lube!"

He laughs and I'm guessing he thinks I'm a sex fiend or something, but I quickly clarify, "The appointment, with the wand. Um, there was lube. You know, applied. Generously. I feel kind of gross." The look on his face reveals my misstep. Crap, backtrack Bella! "I mean, you're so sexy and you're making me feel so sexy, but my panties feel slimy. I need a shower, or at the very least a baby wipe or something."

His smirk gives me room to breathe again.

"You can take a shower, sweetheart. No need for baby wipes." As I'm walking down the hall to my bedroom to the master bath for the fastest shower of my life he calls out, "I bet you'll need help. I'm right behind you."

Showering with Edward wasn't really as erotic as one might expect. It's hard to share the shower spray, someone always feels a little cold. I ended up with shampoo in my eye and I lost a contact down the drain. It was kind of a relief to know that we were so squished together that he couldn't really get up close and personal with my stretch marks.

We dried off and put on old t-shirts and panties, well he had to put on his same boxer briefs, but whatever. Snuggled up under my old quilt I felt safe and treasured, but not particularly sexy anymore.

"You're one of a kind, you know that right?" When I didn't respond he must have taken that as reason to continue.

"I've never met anyone like you. The Texas Pete on your scrambled eggs, the pepper sauce on everything, Chicken and Dumplings, and not a blanket or actual comforter in the whole house. Do you have anything other than quilts? And the knitting; I remember my mom knitting when I was younger, but seeing you knit is a whole different thing. The way you ramble, the snorts and giggles. You make everything sexy. You're so beautiful, Bella. Such a wonderful mother. I can't believe I know you. I can't believe I'm with you like this."

I'm just overwhelmed. I know it's too soon but I can't hold it in. I've never felt so cared for, so loved. I'm so in love with him. I want to tell him, but I just can't.

"Alice is going to be waking up soon, we should probably get up and get dressed." He nods, but before I can finish rolling over his hand is under my shirt and low on my belly.

"You know I want this, right? I want you, not just your body. I want the whole thing Bella. You, Alice, this baby. This is it for me. It's fast, improper; but I need you to know that this is it for me. You're it."

I've lost the ability to speak, so I just nod. He grins and rolls out of bed.


End file.
